I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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