new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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