I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
