I think I died a long time ago.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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