Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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