i just wanna soil my oats bro
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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