In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
