I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
