I just saw a hot homeless man
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
