Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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