you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sober January is a disaster.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
