last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They have beer where we have blood.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
