Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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