So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dicks are not precious.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
