There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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