he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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