It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
