I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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