that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
