At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
