I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
