I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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