when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
