Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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