you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
