He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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