I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
