I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This baby is an asshole
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
