just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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