I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
