I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
