I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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