Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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