Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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