Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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