he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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