No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
