I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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