i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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