First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
