whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
