i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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