PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
