so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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