Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
