Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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