She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
