Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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