Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
