Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
